“For many, the weight of the past is not what was but rather what wasn’t.”
— Esther Perel
Simplified Meaning:
Sometimes people feel burdened not by what actually happened in their past, but by things that never happened or things they missed out on. Imagine someone who regrets not traveling when they were younger. They constantly think about the experiences they could have had, such as visiting new places and meeting new people. This regret, over opportunities they didn’t take, can feel just as heavy as any real past experiences. Take another example: if someone dreamed of becoming a musician but never pursued it, their sadness might come from imagining the life they could have led. They might think about the concerts they never played and the music they never created. This shows that people's regrets and feelings of what could have been can weigh heavily on them. To lessen this weight, one might start trying new things now, focusing on the present and future rather than what they missed in the past. By creating new opportunities for themselves, they can reduce the feeling of regret. This way, they won't be as burdened by what wasn't but can instead embrace what they have and can create.