Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
"The best revenge, like success, is living well""The first time I performed, I was in heaven, I thought, This is it. This is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life""The human body is like a condominium: The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance""You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like 'See if you can blow this out'""A secret is something you tell one person at a time""There is no such thing as too much seasoning""There's no such thing as an attention span. There is only the quality of what you are viewing.""You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That’s how you know you’re still alive.""The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.""Well, you know the thing you wear around your neck that holds your ID badge? I call that a bungee cord because no matter how far you try to run from your job it always snaps you right back into your cubicle.""Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing.""Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.""Being a comedian is the closest thing to being a rock star.""I have found that the best way to move quickly is to follow directives and take chances.""I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.""I prefer the old theaters because the theaters themselves are places of public gathering. We usually don't get to hang out with strangers.""My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.""Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.""Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.""Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?"
