Erma Bombeck Quotes
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.""Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.""One thing they never tell you about child-raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.""If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.""There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in a while to look in it, and yep, they're still there.""Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.""It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.""When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.""Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.""Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.""There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.""In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.""God created man, but I could do better.""Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.""When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.""There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.""It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.""If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it. ""Never have more children than you have car windows.""Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
