Erma Bombeck Quotes
"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.""When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.""Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.""Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.""There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.""The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.""In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.""I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.""God created man, but I could do better.""I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.""Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.""All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.""There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.""It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.""If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it. ""Never have more children than you have car windows.""Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.""The grass is always greener over the septic tank.""Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.""My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"