George Carlin Quotes
"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong""It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it""I'd hate to be an alcoholic, because alcoholics want to be able to drink as much as they want and not have it affect their life. I just don't see how you could drink while working at the post office""The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it""I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose""When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front-row seat""There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They’d have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large""We're so self-important. Everybody's going to save something now. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Save the planet? We don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We're gonna save the fucking planet?""Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it""I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fucking heroic""When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jackboots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts""Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death""Don't just teach your children to read, teach them to question what they read""Think off-center""The status quo sucks""If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little""That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it""The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity""People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think"
