Steven Wright Quotes
"I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.""There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.""I wrote a song, but I can't read music, so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while, I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.""I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.""Join the Army, meet interesting people - then kill them.""If you were to try to fail, and you succeed, which have you done?""If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?""Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.""When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.""Even snakes are afraid of snakes.""How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?""I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.""I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time""I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly""Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was a suspect""I planted some bird seed a bird came up now I don't know what to feed it""Hermits have no peer pressure""If you were going to shoot a mime would you use a silencer""I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone""I went to a place to eat it said breakfast any time so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance"
