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Steven Wright Quotes

"I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add""I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.""If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.""I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.""I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.""I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.""I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.""A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.""What's another word for Thesaurus?""The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.""I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world.""If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.""Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.""It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.""I intend to live forever. So far, so good."