Sarcasm Quotes

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blond" "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes" "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" "You know why birds fly upside down over here? Because there ain't nothing worth crapping on." "A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use." "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it" "I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception" "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" "Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion" "If that's a joke, I love it. If not, can't wait to unpack that with you later." "The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." "Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway" "I am really good at being sarcastic with guys. That's the best way to hang out with them, because that's what guys are like." "You hit like a vegetarian" "I do not know the American gentleman, god forgive me for putting two such words together." "I would only call someone an idiot if people were mistakenly under the impression that the person was smart." "There’s certain players that I’ve made cry. If I can make you cry by being sarcastic, then I really don’t want to play with you in the playoffs." "I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we." "I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree and hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool of cash and Sour Patch Kids."