Witty Quotes

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." "I intend to live forever. So far, so good." "Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion" "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." "Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution." "I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception" "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it" "I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer." "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes" "My weaknesses have always been food and men—in that order" "I can resist everything except temptation" "He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of" "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own" "When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better" "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house" "I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home." "I'd give my right arm to be... ambidextrous" "I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond." "As usual there is a great woman behind every idiot"