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Humor Quotes

"If you see me in a fight with a bear, pray for the bear"

― Kobe Bryant

"Like getting into a bleeding competition with a blood bank."

― Richard Branson

"Life is a series of ups and clowns. Make it worth your wild!"

― Richard Branson

"Nobody’s ever called me Sir Richard. Occasionally in America, I hear people saying Sir Richard and think there’s some Shakespearean play taking place. But nowhere else anyway."

― Richard Branson

"Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one's bath like a lump of sugar. "

― Pablo Picasso

"I would like to be remembered as a man who won the heavyweight title three times. Who was humorous and who treated everyone right. As a man who never looked down on those who looked up to him, and who helped as many people as he could. As a man who stood u"

― Muhammad Ali

"Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all."

― Muhammad Ali

"Superman don't need no seat belt."

― Muhammad Ali

"I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."

― Muhammad Ali

"I said I was ‘The Greatest,’ I never said I was ‘The Smartest!’"

― Muhammad Ali

"I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked."

― Muhammad Ali

"I'm the most recognized and loved man that ever lived cuz there weren’t no satellites when Jesus and Moses were around, so people far away in the villages didn’t know about them."

― Muhammad Ali

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world."

― Muhammad Ali

"My philosophy is, it’s always very rewarding when you can make an audience laugh. I don’t mind making fun of myself. I like self-deprecating comedy. But I’d like you to laugh with me occasionally, too."

― Dwayne Johnson

"There are some important differences between me and Tony Stark, like I have five kids, so I spend more time going to Disneyland than parties."

"I'm actually making history tonight as the first person with Asperger's to host SNL. Or at least the first to admit it. So I won't make a lot of eye contact with the cast tonight. But don't worry, I'm pretty good at running human and emulation mode."

"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."

― Woody Allen

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

― Woody Allen

"How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?"

― Woody Allen

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