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George Carlin Quotes

"The status quo sucks""Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist""A joke is a very serious thing""As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything""I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fucking heroic""When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jackboots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts""Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death""Don't just teach your children to read, teach them to question what they read""Think off-center""Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it""The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept""If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little""That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it""The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity""People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think""Somewhere in the world is a doctor who no longer wants to practice medicine, yet still keeps his medical license. Good luck with your next consult.""Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!""There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.""A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff."