Dark Humor Quotes

"I'm Irish. I think about death all the time." "I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot" "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" "I ain't gonna kill him. I'm just gonna take a foot off him. A man can work with one foot" "It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them" "The funniest things are forbidden." "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance." "I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim" "If you were going to shoot a mime would you use a silencer" "Even as a junkie I stayed true to my code – and this certainly wouldn’t have been a problem: I’d have taken a baby held it aloft and said ‘This baby has been sent to earth to destroy all babies’ and let it go back to its mother " "I hate to advocate drugs alcohol violence or insanity to anyone but they’ve always worked for me" "I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring" "The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What’s that, a bonus?" "Nothing is funnier than unhappiness." "I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes" "Join the Army, meet interesting people - then kill them." "I’m just a bad guy who gets paid to f*** up worse guys." "I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it. I say, Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I’ll be ready." "Sometimes the funniest thing to say is mean."