Humor Quotes

"He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career." "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance." "There is nothing much that marks a man's progress better than a sense of humor" "When I initially meet people, I say 'I'm sorry'. Because I'm the nut of the group." "My boy loves his friends like I love my split ends" "I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." "The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog" "Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand" "There is nothing more precious than laughter and scorn it is strength to laugh and to abandon oneself to be light" "I think my comedy is a bit misunderstood by fellow comedians. " "I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add" "I went to a place to eat it said breakfast any time so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance" "I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone" "If you were going to shoot a mime would you use a silencer" "I planted some bird seed a bird came up now I don't know what to feed it" "Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was a suspect" "I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time" "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut" "I drink to make other people more interesting" "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact."