Humor Quotes

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know." "I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up." "I must confess, I was born at a very early age." "They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." "It’s better to have loved and lost than do forty pounds of laundry a week." "My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh. But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain." "Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is 'elephant'." "I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician." "Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep." "If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe." "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." "Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about." "The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." "Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred" "My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake I feel better already" "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own" "I don't believe in the afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear" "I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys"