Humor Quotes

"I have no idea what I am doing, but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm" "If you want to make God laugh tell him about your plans" "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best" "When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better" "Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit." "A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a brief" "For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." "I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal" "It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." "This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays." "I drink and I know things" "There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous." "I think I would be a good dad. Especially if my kid was a smart-aleck. Because that kid would be my hero." "Inappropriate humor belongs in the home, behind closed doors." "I swear, I'm the least funny person on the planet… mgaaaah!!" "There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them." "Everyone is entitled to my opinion" "The funniest things are forbidden." "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."