Humor Quotes

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." "Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred" "My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake I feel better already" "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own" "I don't believe in the afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear" "I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys" "I have no idea what I am doing, but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm" "If you want to make God laugh tell him about your plans" "Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it" "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best" "Here are additional quotes by Jim Carrey:" "When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better" "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful" "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it" "Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit." "A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a brief" "For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." "I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal"