Humor Quotes

"Comedy is tragedy plus time" "A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles" "Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously" "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house" "The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove would be better for you than water, is to put rum or bourbon in it" "Talking nonsense is man's only privilege that distinguishes him from all other organisms." "I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring" "Common sense ain't common." "If stupidity got us in this mess, how come it can't get us out?" "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." "To laugh is to risk appearing the fool" "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it." "Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?" "Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem." "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law." "Like a welcome summer rain humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth the air and you" "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately" "Electric toothbrushes are good too, only I prefer them up my ass so I can listen to rock and roll while I ride my bicycle" "The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly" "Never have more children than you have car windows."