Humor Quotes

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." "Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough." "I have nothing to declare except my genius." "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." "You're only as young as the woman you feel." "I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home." "I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty." "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?" "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it." "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor." "Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband." "There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life" "Tobacco is my favorite vegetable" "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline" "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."