Humor Quotes

"A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use." "Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society." "Room service send up a larger room" "It’s a Bazooka-meets-slighty-embarrassed grin kind of thing." "My weaknesses have always been food and men—in that order" "The key to sitcom success is miserable people." "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker" "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions" "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens" "Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny" "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive" "Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped" "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." "Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution." "Those are my principles and if you don't like them well I have others" "I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception" "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" "Two things are bad for the heart—running up stairs and running down people." "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." "When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better."