Humor Quotes

"Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion, color, or sexual habits, love life and your family" "Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny." "I'm Irish. I think about death all the time." "In the end, everything is a gag" "You can’t have a sense of humor without disappointment. You have to go through moments of unhappiness to get to the funny stuff." "Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing" "You live but once; you might as well be amusing" "I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not" "Don't Panic" "So long and thanks for all the fish" "9: In heaven, all the interesting people are missing." "Can't talk right now, I'm doing hot girl sh*t" "You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wan't to hear it." "I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, and ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids." "You know why birds fly upside down over here? Because there ain't nothing worth crapping on." "I'm not a hypochondriac, I'm an alarmist." "I'm thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose." "In Beverly Hills they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows." "Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats." "What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."