Satire Quotes

"Electric toothbrushes are good too, only I prefer them up my ass so I can listen to rock and roll while I ride my bicycle" "In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem." "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends will call it" "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it" "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death" "When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front-row seat" "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it" "It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it" "As usual there is a great woman behind every idiot" "We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe" "In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile" "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated" "I pride myself on the fact that my work has no socially redeeming value" "Join the Army, meet interesting people - then kill them." "It is a curious thing that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste" "The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois" "I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time." "The press is a gang of cruel faggots Journalism is not a profession or a trade; it is a cheap catch-all for f****d-up drunks and misfits-a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage" "From the studio that inexplicably sewed his f***ing mouth shut the first time, comes... me!"