Satire Quotes

"That's my lesson for taking a vacation: Vacation will kill you." "Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it." "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend" "If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty" "Common sense is not so common" "It costs a lot of money to look this cheap" "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't fly" "In the beginning the Universe was created This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" "Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all." "Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny" "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it" "In the end, everything is a gag" "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon" "You know why birds fly upside down over here? Because there ain't nothing worth crapping on." "Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." "In Beverly Hills they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows." "My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers."