Wit Quotes

"If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty" "With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 70." "A man told me that for a woman, I was very opinionated. I said, 'For a man, you're kind of ignorant.'" "I intend to live forever. So far, so good." "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it." "The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." "I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blond" "When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." "I can resist everything except temptation." "A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use." "Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny." "I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not" "I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, and ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids." "You know why birds fly upside down over here? Because there ain't nothing worth crapping on." "I have nothing to declare except my genius" "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" "Here are some additional famous quotes by Groucho Marx:"