Humor Quotes

"I don't believe in the afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear" "I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys" "I have no idea what I am doing, but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm" "If you want to make God laugh tell him about your plans" "Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it" "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best" "Here are additional quotes by Jim Carrey:" "When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better" "When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth." "I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." "My boy loves his friends like I love my split ends" "When I initially meet people, I say 'I'm sorry'. Because I'm the nut of the group." "I'd hate to die twice It's so boring" "There is nothing much that marks a man's progress better than a sense of humor" "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance." "He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career." "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." "Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health " "The story so far In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." "Anyone who is elected mayor of a city has a few screws loose."