Humor Quotes

"I don't like to lie, so when I do, I try to make it more interesting." "Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." "The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook" "You can't just take something, put it in a different context and expect it to be funny" "I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one " "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped." "I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that." "I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know." "No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early." "Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy." "If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!" "The more I see of humans the more I like horses" "Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so" "Oh, hello, I know right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?" "Just because you break the fourth wall doesn't make you any smarter than me." "A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be" "Yesterday I was a dog Today I'm a dog Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement" "Many a truth is said in jest" "Family is a circus without the tent"