Humor Quotes

"There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons" "I feel sorry for people who don’t drink because when they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day" "Humor can be dissected as a frog can but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind" "If life gives you limes, make margaritas" "I liked peanut butter. Peanut butter never got another woman pregnant. Peanut butter never made me cry. Nobody cared if you were photographed in a club with a jar of Jif" "I can't wait until tomorrow because I get better looking every day" "I'm growing older but not up" "People will insist on treating the mons veneris as though it were Mount Everest." "You're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in" "Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast." "Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans" "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans." "My relationship with death remains the same. I'm strongly against it." "I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it." "I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it." "What will I be doing in twenty years' time? I'll be dead, darling! Are you crazy?"