Humor Quotes

"It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy." "I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away." "Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider. That's scary." "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." "Never ask a barber if you need a haircut" "We must laugh and we must sing if only to avoid killing ourselves" "Be careful about reading health books. You may die" "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong" "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards " "I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them" "I don’t believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously." "Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." "I can't sing and I can't dance, but I can lick any SOB in the house. " "Sometimes the funniest thing to say is mean." "Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke" "Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time" "Cricket is basically baseball on valium" "I'm always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don't even take what I am seriously." "I re-invented my image so many times that I'm in denial that I was originally an overweight Korean woman." "Why do you laugh? Change the name and the story is about you"