Irony Quotes

"I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of them." "As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather, so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill." "I am so busy doing nothing that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything." "Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV." "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity" "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes" "A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain." "The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people they think it's their fault" "She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." "For what do we live but to make sport for our neighbours and laugh at them in our turn" "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" "The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." "Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." "9: In heaven, all the interesting people are missing." "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon" "Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job" "In the end, everything is a gag"