Irony Quotes

"Congratulations, you played yourself" "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think" "We're so self-important. Everybody's going to save something now. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Save the planet? We don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We're gonna save the fucking planet?" "When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front-row seat" "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose" "I'd give my right arm to be... ambidextrous" "Nothing is funnier than unhappiness." "When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers." "I don't believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously." "A foolproof plan cannot be wise-proof." "When I got enough confidence the stage was gone When I was sure of Losing I won When I needed people the most they left me When I learnt to dry my tears I found a shoulder to cry on When I mastered the skill of hating Someone started loving me" "A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory" "A philosopher is someone who won't take your watch away to tell you what time it is" "I pride myself on the fact that my work has no socially redeeming value" "How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?" "Even snakes are afraid of snakes." "If you were to try to fail, and you succeed, which have you done?" "A joke is a very serious thing" "It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver." "People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me."