Irony Quotes

"Jesters do oft prove prophets." "Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you" "Half the people you know are below average." "I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically." "If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank." "I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time." "A word to the wise is infuriating" "People are strange: they are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice." "I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that." "I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know." "Many a truth is said in jest" "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants" "He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." "The best proof of extraterrestrial intelligence is that they haven't contacted us" "I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met" "If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before" "I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five" "Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow." "Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." "There is a kind of splendid stupidity"