Sarcasm Quotes

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." "He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of" "A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." "I must confess, I was born at a very early age." "A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a brief" "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." "I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal" "Everyone is entitled to my opinion" "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." "I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." "I drink to make other people more interesting" "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools" "Housework, if you do it right, will kill you." "The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit" "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house" "I'm not a hero. I'm a high-functioning tool bag with a heart of gold" "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." "I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it." "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." "I have nothing to declare except my genius."